"We’re celebrating our friendship"

They celebrate their anniversary each summer: Annina (29) and Secil (35) meet for a drink in the city and toast their friendship. “We celebrate it,” says Secil, “because it’s so valuable to us”. The two friends really value being able to talk and laugh with one another – and trusting each other completely. “I can tell Annina more than I can other people,” says Secil – something she says is just a wonderful feeling. Annina describes Secil as a real empath.

They didn’t think they had very much in common at first. Sure, they started out as interior designers at the same office seven years ago – but aside from that? Secil likes beautiful things, design and art. She loves sitting in a café in the city, going for a stroll and looking for inspiration. Annina, on the other hand, likes to spend her free time in the saddle of her mountain, racing or gravel bikes, training for bike races. She likes to push her body to the limit.

In spite of these differences, the two women started to notice they had more and more things in common. Thanks to Secil, Annina has got to know another side of herself, one that likes to switch down a gear and enjoy life. In turn, Secil goes with Annina to Pilates and sometimes even hits the ski slopes with her. “We inspire one another and learn from each other,” says Annina. “We’re good for each other.”

Friendships like Annina Künnecke and Secil Oktar’s are invaluable. They give life more depth and are a source of joy. But they also have an impact on our health. That’s because friends, relatives and acquaintances can reduce stress. Studies show that people with intact social relationships are happier and live longer. Helsana Health Advisor Ronja Schoch says: “Especially when times get tough, social relationships are an important resource for coping with crises. You can be there for each other and support one another. That's something you cannot value highly enough.”  

Your own quality of life suffers if you don’t have contact with other people, and there’s nobody there to listen. Isolation and loneliness lead to stress, which should be taken seriously and can lead to sleep disorders, depression and cardiovascular diseases. Many people in Switzerland regularly feel lonely. According to the most recent Swiss Health Survey, 42 per cent of the population reported feeling lonely “sometimes to very frequently”. That is an increase of around 12 per cent since 2007.

It’s worth investing in and maintaining friends and acquaintances at every stage of your life – and staying open to meeting new people. “It’s never too late for friendship,” says Helsana Health Advisor Ronja Schoch. The important thing is not to think in categories, “because friendship has no limits. You can be friends with young people and with older people.” She also recommends rekindling old friendships. For instance, you could scroll down the messaging app on your phone to see if there are any old friendships hiding there. Why not send them a short message asking to meet up again? It’s always worth a try.

But what can you do if you struggle to approach other people and feel lonely? If you want to talk, but can’t or don’t want to call anyone you know? There are a number of different support and contact services you can use to talk to someone. One of these is the “Mein Ohr für Dich – einfach mal reden!” daily hotline for young and old. This number is available to anyone who fancies a chat.

This telephone service was set up as means of offering a brief moment of social interaction. “We chat to callers and we’re there to facilitate a positive shared moment,” says the Basel-based FSP psychotherapist Philippe Goetschel. The issues and motives of the callers are very different. “Escaping loneliness isn’t possible without taking that first active step, like calling the daily hotline.”

Friendship is important to Louis S. (81) – especially after the painful loss of his wife. For the last ten years he has spent a lot of time at home because his wife was seriously ill. “Our circle became smaller and smaller,” explains the widower. 

He continued to maintain contact with his friends, but he didn’t make any new friendships. “That didn’t bother me. But when she died of cancer last December, I felt very lonely indeed. I wasn't doing very well, and I was running on empty. What was happening to me was something I could only share with really good female friends. They were better able to empathise with my situation than my male friends could.”

Thankfully it was easy for him to make new friends. Now, after years, he’s even started dancing again, and has taken up golf again as well. “Or I go to my favourite pub of old. I even have time to spend playing cards with my friends.” Louis S. is finding that distraction helps him to get over the death of his wife. He makes sure he always has something on and doesn't wait for others to call him. His motto? Just do it! “I am the only widower so far among my friends. That is something that will change in the future – for better or for worse. When that happens, I will be the first to be there for the others. Only those who have lost someone know how it really feels.”